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My 25th Year
 
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in jackson12345's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
12:25 pm
A survey just for fun!
A. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs & replace any question that they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves.

B. Tag 8 people to do this quiz & those who are tagged cannot refuse. These people must state who they were tagged by & cannot tag the person whom they were tagged by. Continue this game by sending it to other people.

1. How has LJ changed your life?
I haven't been on in a while, but I love it as a tool to just vent about stuff, or nothing - whatever I feel like sharing. Plus I love when my friends update, although it doesn't happen as much lately.

2. What do you do before bedtime?
Mostly read. Or sometimes watch part of a movie or TV show (from Netflix).

3. What will your dream wedding be like?
May. Open Air Camp Moses Merrill. A reception somewhere -probably NB Auditorium. All my friends there.

4. What is the city of your dreams and why?
New York City - it's just vibrant and ambitious and in your face

5. Are you an introvert or extrovert?
Oh I don't know, both, it depends on the situation

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
I don't know what is meant by "blessed," but I like both!

7. Do you trust easily?
No.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Sulk

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Taking a class, paying money for a class, feeling like I'm wasting my summer in class

10. What is your best quality?
My ideas

11. Is being tagged fun?
Sure

12. How do you see yourself?
Innovative, creative, independent thinker,

13. Who has most influenced your life?
Bruce Kathy Stephanie Nicole Greta Chelsey Jim all my friends Tom Kolbe Pilkington kids

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I think Micah is determined, brave, fun, and motivated.

15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Married but poor, it's my reality!

16. How many children do you want to have, if any?
2 or 3 at most

17. What's better to give or to receive?
Why do you make me choose - giving

18. If you could make a guest appearance on your favorite television show, what part would you want?
Carrie Bradshaw's best friend from back home?

19. Would you have 100% safe sex with a stranger for $10,000,000?
Umm weird question, maybe if I weren't in a relationship???? maybe??? 10 mil is a lot!

20. What were your parents going to name you if you'd been born the opposite gender?
Craig Ramsour
Tuesday, November 27th, 2007
12:12 am
Saturday, November 17th, 2007
8:04 am
Kids
(after hugging me for the 1,000th time)
"We've got to be nice to our friends!"
- Alice Pilkinton, 3

"When I was a baby, and I got mad in the night, I remember what Lissa did. She gave me my blanket and gave me my bottle."
- Alice

"I wish I could keep you."
- Alice

"Mom and Dad and Marin should take a trip to China for 100 days. You could stay here!"
- Calvin Pilkington, 6

"You taught me my first word to spell." - Calvin
"I did? What was it?" - Me
"T-o-o-t!" - Calvin

Alice - that little girl makes my heart leap with joy. She is absolutely beautiful (with her huge blue eyes and still-curly hair), and the happiest 3-year-old you'll ever meet. That she's growing up so well makes me so incredibly proud.

Calvin is so bright - he can read absolutely anything put in front of him (as a first grader that's pretty rare) and knows so much already. Somehow Calvin manages to recall our little inside jokes and execute them with perfect timing.

Adrian is becoming such a grown up kid. When I was tucking her into bed last night, I said, "Can you believe you're going to turn 9 in 9 days? I remember when you were only 5!" Saying that made me realize, again, how important our year together was. She's got such a good heart.

I'll always consider those kids "my kids" because they were - and going back and hanging out with them again reaffirms it - they are, at least in part, mine.

PS - Jim's coming home today!
Monday, August 27th, 2007
6:55 pm
Click to view my Personality Profile page

I'm tired. I know I need to update. I apologize.
Tuesday, July 17th, 2007
7:38 pm
Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Funny how a week can change everything!
It's easy to see - the heart of life is good!
Sunday, July 15th, 2007
11:56 am
I'm not quite prepared to write about last night except to say that I am really happy and things seem really ok right now.
Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
12:07 pm
WHY??
Why can't things just work for once? Why does everything have to be so MESSY?
Friday, June 22nd, 2007
9:39 pm
I finished my Geography of the City class. It was amazing. I learned so so so much about Omaha - settlement, growth, changes. Things I never knew about, but were HUGE to the city's, area's, state's (even nation's) history...Stockyards, Trans-Mississippi Expo (World's Fair 1898), the riots of 1919, the ethnic neighborhoods, Tom Dennison, the Gold Coast, all the OLD annexations - South Omaha, Dundee, Benson, etc., Brandeis Dept. store, streetcars, the railroad, the cool things I wouldn't have guessed about the Old Market, N. and S. 24th St. IT'S SO COOL! I think it's the best when you "learn things you never knew you never knew" (thanks Pocahontas).



I am really tired of getting the feeling that my life is somehow less important because I'm single, because I don't have children, because I don't have a high paying job.

I had such a fun time hanging out with Paula and Amy last night. I've missed those ladies. I probably should be in North Bend at Old Settler's tonight, but I am kind of content being a recluse and a coward. I will probably go tomorrow night, but I am terrified.
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
10:28 pm
Update
It's over. Even though I am heartbroken, I am grateful.
Thursday, May 17th, 2007
5:42 am
Amazon.com lists these as my interests. I more or less agree:

Adult Alternative
Aims & Objectives
All Categories
Arithmetic
Being a Teen
Cinderella
Comedy
Composition & Creative Writing
Contemporary
Drama
Elementary School
Humorous
Language Arts
Language Experience Approach
Look Inside Fiction Books
Look Inside Teen Books
Multicultural
Pedagogy
Philosophy & Social Aspects
Picture Books
Pop Rock
Reading
Rock
School
Sociology
United States

I'm done with school! Well, almost. We have a staff workday today, then it's summer!! It's going to be a great one. I'll write more later.
Saturday, May 5th, 2007
10:27 am
Happy Cinco de Mayo!
First of all, happy birthday to my good buddy Greta!! I hope it's a great day. What's this I hear about you leaving corporate America? We must talk soon!

I need to go work out and run some other errands before noon, but I just wanted to apologize for lagging so much on the blogging. I always log on to this "Update Journal" page and start trying to put April into words, but it's frankly too hard.

I can tell you a few things for sure:
1. I'll be teaching third grade in North Bend next year.
2. I'll be sad to leave this class, I've had them for two school years now.
3. I bought a VCR for $10 this week.
4. Spiderman 1 > Spiderman 3 > Spiderman 2
5. Franklin is growing! And chewing!
6. Nothing better than a rainy morning when you don't have to go to work.
7. I have 8 days of school remaining with kids, and one staff workday.
8. I'm getting ready for Stevanie's wedding, but still have no clue about the MOH speech
9. There's no 9.

Haha, you're probably saying, bypass the bullshit, tell us about the St. Patrick's Day dude. Well..I guess you can say we're "in a relationship," haha facebook does. I am really, really trying my best to avoid the "where's this going" train of thought, so I'll just say, it makes me happy to be around him. It's crazy to think how much better my life has gotten this year...first I started hanging out with Amy and Paula more, then I started working out, then I got Franklin, then I met Jim. It's just like my situation gets progressively better and it feels like life is coming together..and not just because of the dude, not at all.

Like I said, I am going to go work out now, and develop some pictures for the end-of-school. I just found out I have to be gone on Monday to the ESU, so I'll have to go up and write sub plans at some point. And GUESS WHAT! The Rumbles are in Fremont tonight. You bet I'll be there! Micah, sorry I missed your call, I was in Spiderman 3! I will call you back today!!
Monday, April 30th, 2007
5:42 pm
Sunday, March 4th, 2007
11:30 pm
Learn to Live with What You Are
Some wisdom from Ben Folds:

Sometimes everything you've ever wanted
Floats above sticking out its tongue and laughing, while
Everything that anyone could ever need
Is down below waiting for you

I can't pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love, but I will admit it was fast and hard and consuming. As someone with an admittedly overzealous sense of place, I've always, always been drawn to cities. My first love was probably Lincoln, where my parents spent summers taking graduate classes. I relished in time spent at the Sunken Gardens and Antelope Park. The state capital's 14th floor, the pedestrian walkway over O Street, the hill right off of 33rd and Randolph. There was something so magical about the neighborhoods, the cars, the people walking their dogs, and the ways that this city brought together all these different people, buildings, events, ideas. I've always, always been in love with the idea of individuality and community encompassed in urban areas.

My first brush with the city was during the summer of 1999, obviously pre-9/11. It was part of a family vacation and was a one-day-trip. We stayed in Newark at a Days Inn the night before and spent hour upon hour in various states of public transport: Newark City bus to the airport; train to Penn Station, NJ; train to Penn Station, NY; subway to lower Manhattan. It all seemed like too much work for a bunch of tall buildings and Wall Street. We didn't set foot above The Battery. Ellis Island and SoL, even, seemed overrated and too full of tourists to be worth the while. We had to do the whole back-to-Newark thing in reverse and at age 17, I wrote New York off.

I grew up. I left Aurora. I watched movies. I read books. I thought, a lot. Jonathan Kozol introduced me to people living in the South Bronx. Debbie Meier gave me a tour through her school, Central Park East. I looked at pictures online of the Lower East Side, and read the histories of immigrants, living in tenements there. I met the gals of Sex in the City and perhaps the biggest character: the city itself. The more I thought and read and grew up, the more I realized what an amazing place I'd never seen. Liberal, opinionated, snobby, unpretentious, glitzy, dirty, Broadway, Harlem, diverse, delis, opportunity, expensive, taxis, bigwigs, artists, I could go on and on. From 1000 miles away, the city had me captivated and inspired.

Since college, I've been to New York three times. The last time I had to leave, I was almost in tears. My times alone in the city have been my life's moments of clarity. My 50+ block walk from the tip-top of Central Park, down the east side (Museum Mile) to the bottom. Exploring Chelsea. Pretending to be a Columbia student. Getting absolute money's worth for my all-you-can-ride Metrocard. Walking everywhere: neighborhoods, smells, weirdos, shopping...I tried so hard to breathe it all in. To close my eyes and burn into my brain the energy of the green market at Union Square. The quiet elegance of the breeze in the trees of Greenwhich Village. Even the hot, smelly subway vestibules were appealing and difficult to leave. At home, the worn-out Lonely Planet: New York beside my bed has been practically memorized. I look through my NYC pictures often and replay the memories even more often. I love the NYC-me: firecely independent, unafraid, proud of my intelligence and my place in the world. It's hard to be so separated from it.

I'm at a crossroads, so to speak, because I'm pretty happy and at least marginally successful where I am. I've got a career, I've got friends, I've got pets and a semblance of a social life. I could quite easily spend the balance of my 20s in Fremont/North Bend and do quite well. But as easy as that is, something beyond my reach incessantly calls me There. Am I brave enough to step out into the unknown and go for a potentially stupid dream? Is there a reason I can't commit to scheduling a flight to NYC, even though I have an interview scheduled in 3 weeks?

Ben Folds always brings me down to earth, he just does. I heard that song this evening and it spiralred into this nice little rant. I was walking my little dog this evening in downtown Fremont (which obviously pales in comparison to anywhere, NYC), but just for a moment, a brief second, passing the storefronts, crossing streets, pounding the cement...I was There, and I was content.
Sunday, February 25th, 2007
5:38 pm
Ok biggest news first: I got a new puppy.

The question everyone's been asking me: Do Jackson and Franklin get along? The answer is not really, yet. But I am hopeful that they will grow to be buddies. It's just a transition time. For now, Franklin bothers Jackson and Jackson pounces. Franklin whimpers (just a little), but then goes back to bothering Jack. Aww boys.

A lot has happened since last time I wrote:
  • Micah came and stayed with me and we went to the JM concert in Omaha. Fun!
  • The NB girls are going to state! They lost their district final game to Ft. Calhoun (both were undefeated going into it), but earned a wildcard and will play Fairbury on Thursday. That means - no school!
  • A guy who wasn't even on the radar (Jared) emerged this week. We went out to eat today and then back to my place to watch a movie (Pulse, it was horrible, but a good chance to half-snuggle). He left about 5pm but is going to call me and we're doing something tonight! I don't want to react quickly and jinx anything, but he's a cool guy and at the very least I've met a new friend. It makes me nervous to say, but I hope it's more.
  • NB's peer review is coming up and I'm one of the 4 teachers who are on the "teacher team." It's on March 7, I have a sub all day and we have to meet with the reviewers, answer questions, and show them our assessment process. We either get a "passing" or "not passing" and holy crap I'm nervous!


There's more, but I'll leave it at that for now. I'm freezing and I'm going to go freak out a little bit. Ha!!
Thursday, February 8th, 2007
10:33 pm
Procrastination
I should be at the Y working out, but I'm really enjoying my only evening at home this week. I finally did some dishes and laundry that have been piling up for what seems like weeks. I think Jackson appreciates that I'm at home, too. The Office: Aww..although I don't mind Karen and Jim, I don't want Pam to give Roy a second chance. Hahahhah, I love Creed. Ohh and Michael Scott, give me a break. Poor Phillys. Call me crazy, but I can't get into Grey's Anatomy. I always get excited that it's going to be on, but it can't keep my attention. I really don't turn on my TV any other day of the week. I am happy I didn't buy cable (or the internet, thanks neighbors!)

So I just realized I wrote this in friends-only entry, but some may be in the dark still: I got an interview in NYC. They let me pick the date, but Feb. seemed too soon, so I opted for March 23. It's a Friday, so I'll take two days off, fly there, interview, and hopefully do some other fun things. I have all these factors pulling me to leave and to stay and I am hoping to just let them chill for about a month. It was really bothering me for a while, but I think I'll just hold off my worries see what happens.

Well, I am going to go see if my dryer is done. I am going to go guy my bridesmaid dress (for Stephanie's wedding) tomorrow in Lincoln, and then my family has tickets to "The Producers" at The Lied. I get to spend my Valentine's Day (after school) with the Pilkington crew, decorating cookies. I am so excited!!

PS - It's still 3...I might narrow it down to 2 soon, though.
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
10:36 pm
IT COULD FINALLY BE HAPPENING!!! (knock on wood)

More info soon.
Sunday, January 21st, 2007
12:27 pm
Oh my gosh!! I am so so happy! Look what I found on eBay!
Saturday, January 20th, 2007
12:34 am
I am not 25 yet.
Holy cow. I have to change this journal to "My 25th Year" because I am officially 25 now. I am more than freaked.


I have the best friends.

My friend Amy is pregnant! I am so thrilled for them (they'd been trying for over a year now), but it makes me think I am going to have to leave North Bend, god, this is making me about want to cry...but she is the only one I hang out, work out, shop, eat, do everything with...and now when she has her baby, that time will be less. At the same time< I will be devestated to leave. I am so so conflicted. Plus my work situation is less-than-ideal right now (never agree to teach 4th grade), but I feel like I have no options.

I have to spend tomorrow at a speech meet slash basketball game, woopie.
Monday, January 15th, 2007
7:40 pm
Heroes

Deborah Meier. Brilliant.


Jonathan Kozol. The most caring and riteous man I've never met.


Bill Ayers. Terrorist/Fugitive/Educator.


Shirley Chisholm. Unbought and Unbossed.


Emma Goldman. Just plain badass.


FDR. Visionary.


Labor movements worldwide, but especially the 1912 Lawrence MA strikers.


Paul Wellstone. Love his style.


Civil Rights Movement of the past, present, and future.
Sunday, January 14th, 2007
7:34 pm
PLEASE


(Please note that this isn't an actual picture of where I live. That would mean I actually left my house today. Which is much, much, too cold. It's just a google image search for "snow day," for which I am desperately hoping. So please, God and my Superintendent. Do what Martin Luther King Jr. would have done and cancel school.)

Current Mood: hopeful
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